Dagshai Diaries 1

 The Web

Everyone has been on the web a lot given our lockdown situation!  Numerous zoom meetings be damned it also provided an escape.  The lazy and only travel option, a time machine for the uninspired to transport you from I’m so bored I’m counting the tiles on my floor straight to I’m a champion I finished all the titles on Netflix starting with the alphabet A,B and C … wait for it.. in English, Hindi and Yiddish.

I had set into a somewhat happy routine, my folks who were visiting got stuck in Bombay. Yay for me! As after a very long time I could go back to being a kid who was being looked after not to mention great company and home cooked food; strong independent woman who? I know they say when you are happy and content there is no need to shout it out from the rooftops … guilty, don’t rub it in, in people’s faces… very guilty! Cause my happy state was being rocked, routes and the sky were opening up to take my parents back home to Himachal. 

I panicked, after living with them for 5 months the thought of living alone again scared me. It obviously didn’t count that I’d been living alone for the past two decades, let’s just call this the lockdown effect. As I was making a list of all the people who had probably willed this on me, my situation suddenly got worse. As the men in the house, dad and my two older brothers (yes I survived two of them) decided that I could not be left alone and must be carted off to Himachal as well. I have been convinced that Bill Watterson has designed the character of Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes fame on me. My overactive imagination could give all the current conspiracy theories a run for their money… Himachal is dad’s home ground … my house my rules, plus one of my brothers had also temp moved there from Delhi …and then there were two! It’s a TRAP. I know the family talks about my unhealthy lifestyle and the need to keep an eye on the younger one who seems to be going astray often.  I couldn’t let them win, Bombay was home ground but in Himachal I would be dependent on them for food, shelter and apple cider!

Divine intervention is not always divine, it cancelled my upcoming shoot my strongest and only legit reason for staying back. Next thing I know I’m at the airport secretly enjoying just being out, but my Calvin instincts kicked in again when there were numerous ominous signs just before departure, the odd black cat crossing us before leaving home, a glass breaking and the barcode on just my ticket not working so the metal gate shut in my face refusing entry. There was still a chance … and I didn’t take it.

Once airborne I must admit I did start looking forward to a room with a view, fresh air, and most importantly my niece and nephew. The warm welcome, hugs and kisses from the babies and the magnificent view made me banish the Calvin mode out of my head as I step out to breathe in some fresh air appreciating the view, when I chance upon this spider’s WEB! 

Alice in wonderland ... The Penh Diary Week 8

When I was shooting for one of my favourite shows Achievers Club we had a serial entrepreneur Ronnie Screwvala as of one the guests. He said something, which has stayed with me ‘whenever you are faced with a dilemma about what to do, ask yourself what is the worst that could happen’ the worst had happened I had nothing left to lose! Right after my mugging when I was really feeling down and out Yan kept telling me soon the feeling would change to anger real rage, anger never really came but FREEDOM did. And that is a very liberating feeling. I haven’t felt this free in the longest time.

This feeling helped me a lot when I decided to go traveling down south to Kampot & Kep. Since I need to make my money last much longer I decided to stay in hostels and oh did I pick the right one! Kampot is a beautiful riverside town and I picked a hostel that was constructed on bamboos stilts ON the river, with a 180-degree view of untouched nature. It was an out of this world feeling; luckily that was just the beginning!

Hostel life is all about chilling out together and making new friends. When I hung out in the lobby the first day I felt socially awkward, everyone was chatting with each other but I have an inherent problem I cannot initiate a conversation! Once someone talks to me I can take over completely but making the first move is not in my DNA. So there I sat for a good one hour soaking in the beautiful view, kicking myself for not having completed my swimming lessons as everyone was indulging in all the water activities and seemed to be having a blast. I felt like I was doing a social experiment on myself and failing miserably. You need to smile more was what Ramon my boss in Phnom Penh had once told me. So I started mechanically smiling at people passing by, slowly the smile became more genuine as did the conversations, the evening ended on a spectacular note.

 The new liberated me wanted to try new experiences. I decided to rent a bike and go up Bokor Mountain. Several people warned me that the roads were twisted and an inexperienced rider might not make it all the way up. The old me would have gone into a shell and perhaps even fallen for the easier tours that everyone was hard selling. What if I had an accident or got a flat tire? Or even ran out of fuel? There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And it's only reward is that it’s easy.

I was rewarded and how for taking the tougher route. I saw magic! The journey was far more enjoyable than the destination because I saw an orchestra in the sky, the clouds played hide and seek with the sun and i saw psychedelic lights come down, the landscape kept getting better, I rode through the clouds and caught myself singing several times. When I couldn’t recollect the lyrics I made them up, pure joy and happiness is what I was experiencing, I was actually high on life or nature?

A good 1:45 mins later I made it to the top, kind of exhausted. Found a gorgeous waterfall and took a nap below it then got up and rode across the mountain. By the time I got back to my hostel I was deliciously exhausted but extremely content. Taking a nap in the mixed dorm didn’t bother me at all; I surprise myself all the time nowadays. In the eve I hung out at the hostel and made some good friends, people who I connected to but didn’t get attached to, so the next day when I left we didn’t exchange email ids or numbers, just shared memories.

Having tasted blood I didn’t want to let go off the bike and rode 50 km to Kep a beach town with some seriously spectacular landscape. I enjoyed the best crab fry I have ever had on the beach before going to a lovely restaurant where I began the gin and tonic marathon. Some 10 drinks later I was exhilarated ahem! I wanted to go for the firefly cruise in Kampot, which was an hour away, check into the new hostel and take a shower before leaving. I didn’t have much time so I zipped on the highway feeling like i was inside the road racer video game i used to love playing as a kid and it was the best feeling ever. I evidently made it in one piece. I now completely get why men love their bikes more than their women!

I made it just in time for the cruise, and the magic continued … we sailed for a good one hour and just as I was beginning to wonder if the fire had left the flies cause I could see none, the motor was switched off and we docked in front of a massive tree. Pin drop silence, pitch-dark exterior and then I looked up! The tree was full of fireflies …

When you experience so much magic and get so high on life, you become like alice in wonderland. Seeing the same old things in a new way, and they have a completely different impact on you. The wand has been circled around my head and I have magically transformed for the better. Calmer, more at peace, a lot more accepting of what is happening to me and most importantly I am comfortable in my skin though honestly it feels like I have got a whole new skin that is prettier, happier and content. The journey has finally become as much of an external one as a far more fulfilling internal one.

The most peculiar comment I have received in the recent past ‘ You are unapologetically strange’  perhaps the old me would have dissected this for hours trying to decipher some good in this comment, today it makes me smile and I wear it as a badge of honour ;)