Dagshai Diaries 1

 The Web

Everyone has been on the web a lot given our lockdown situation!  Numerous zoom meetings be damned it also provided an escape.  The lazy and only travel option, a time machine for the uninspired to transport you from I’m so bored I’m counting the tiles on my floor straight to I’m a champion I finished all the titles on Netflix starting with the alphabet A,B and C … wait for it.. in English, Hindi and Yiddish.

I had set into a somewhat happy routine, my folks who were visiting got stuck in Bombay. Yay for me! As after a very long time I could go back to being a kid who was being looked after not to mention great company and home cooked food; strong independent woman who? I know they say when you are happy and content there is no need to shout it out from the rooftops … guilty, don’t rub it in, in people’s faces… very guilty! Cause my happy state was being rocked, routes and the sky were opening up to take my parents back home to Himachal. 

I panicked, after living with them for 5 months the thought of living alone again scared me. It obviously didn’t count that I’d been living alone for the past two decades, let’s just call this the lockdown effect. As I was making a list of all the people who had probably willed this on me, my situation suddenly got worse. As the men in the house, dad and my two older brothers (yes I survived two of them) decided that I could not be left alone and must be carted off to Himachal as well. I have been convinced that Bill Watterson has designed the character of Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes fame on me. My overactive imagination could give all the current conspiracy theories a run for their money… Himachal is dad’s home ground … my house my rules, plus one of my brothers had also temp moved there from Delhi …and then there were two! It’s a TRAP. I know the family talks about my unhealthy lifestyle and the need to keep an eye on the younger one who seems to be going astray often.  I couldn’t let them win, Bombay was home ground but in Himachal I would be dependent on them for food, shelter and apple cider!

Divine intervention is not always divine, it cancelled my upcoming shoot my strongest and only legit reason for staying back. Next thing I know I’m at the airport secretly enjoying just being out, but my Calvin instincts kicked in again when there were numerous ominous signs just before departure, the odd black cat crossing us before leaving home, a glass breaking and the barcode on just my ticket not working so the metal gate shut in my face refusing entry. There was still a chance … and I didn’t take it.

Once airborne I must admit I did start looking forward to a room with a view, fresh air, and most importantly my niece and nephew. The warm welcome, hugs and kisses from the babies and the magnificent view made me banish the Calvin mode out of my head as I step out to breathe in some fresh air appreciating the view, when I chance upon this spider’s WEB! 

The Penh Diary Week 2 : One step forward, four steps back!

I used to always wonder why people who are down and out are usually the ones who philosophize the most. Most of it is usually all bull shit with them trying to make their situation look far cooler than it actually is; but sometimes there is some wisdom in what they say!

The same applies to me, last week I was way out of my comfort zone so I was all about ‘learning from my experiences’ trying to decipher the hidden meaning and basically connect the dots! Week 2 came and went and I am back to square one in my outlook, my mindset and my overall inclination to figure things out, which by the way has/had dipped considerably.

I spent most of my second week in Siem Reap, as the theatre was shut for the Khmer New Year. Had been introduced to Rajesh an Indian living there by a common friend and after my difficult first week of adjusting in Phnom Penh I was sincerely hoping for a little good ol Indian hospitality from his end.

I took to Siem Reap instantly, it was green had a lot more character and was spread around this little river with captivating bridges to go across. I love small bridges there is something very quaint and charming about them. Visited the phare circus one eve got a lovely front row seat and was deeply moved by their simple execution but deeply moving performance. I cried multiple times as I was gently reminded of the country’s past. What really gets me is that fact that in spite of all that they have been through they have not turned bitter, they are still simple honest people who are trying to make ends meet, they have pure emotions and are happy! While shopping for anything I was by now used to ending the conversation with the mechanical ‘happy Khmer New Year’ I didn’t necessarily say it like I meant it, but their response made me feel very small. Their faces would light up and their entire body language would change when they wished me all the best things in life and they always said it like they meant it.

Angkor Wat blew me away but due to some unfortunate turn of events I had to head back to the hotel, sooner than planned so will have to go back to the complete justice to the place.

The highlight of my trip though was Rajesh and his fantastic circle of friends. Firstly my entire itinerary was planned for me included Rajesh personally picking me up from the airport, coordinating with the tuk tuk guys (which can be quite a nightmare as an address has no meaning in Siem Reap), taking me around town, welcoming me to his inner circle of friends, opening up his house with a home cooked meal thrown in. WOW!

I was elated somebody else was doing the planning. I was getting the princess treatment, was meeting some really wonderful people whom I instantly fell in love with. Everyone was being so nice to me! They were going out of their way to help me out when they had absolutely no obligation whatsoever; they had just met me!  In those 4 days, Siem Reap quickly became home and I unwittingly got 

attached to all those lovely people. Back in my comfort zone where there was no struggle, nothing to figure out and I went back to my familiar state of just being.

I conveniently forgot that this was the very reason I left India in the first place, to get out of my comfort zone. How quickly I made a new one!  While leaving for Phnom Penh the water works arrived in full glory. I was scared of going back to a place where I had no friends, nobody cared about my existence and most importantly I had no one watching my back. I started doubting my move yet again! But then again it was the same Phnom Penh that taught me so much in my first week here. I had taken one step forward in Phnom Penh and four steps back in Siem Reap!

So yeah tough times do teach you a lot about life, which is why I guess people who are down and out seem to understand more as they are in a position to feel things a lot more. Am now reluctantly back to my life in Phnom Penh, this is the path I have chosen and hopefully I will be a wiser and happier person post my stint here! I was told i was an increadible woman by someone i met in Siem Reap going to survive on that compliment for now :)