Traveling, packing, adjusting to new places-situations and
constantly shifting base is a part of ‘backpacking’.
I say backpacking because in my head I am gradually starting to lean towards
the simple and frugal style of traveling though god knows I would need to be
born again to ever fully comply with all that it entails.
My time in Cambodia is up and I am surprisingly ready to
move on even looking forward to the change. After exploring all the countries
that had convenient visa laws I chose Vietnam to nest in for the next couple of
weeks.
But there were some exciting and valuable encounters to be
absorbed before I left the country and I got exposed to these literally in my
last few hours in Phnom Penh.
7pm Reducere Ad Simpliciorem
and the Art of Dying:
I met John who
was sitting at the table next to mine at Space. John taught literature in an
Australian university and we began discussing well-written film scripts. I tend to gravitate towards anyone who
makes me think, considering I do so little of it voluntarily and John really
got me thinking about life my sabbatical and the essence of time. He asked me
how I would gauge if my sabbatical had been successful, I told him it was an
internal feeling and I felt I was 75% there. He asked me what was the first
thing I think of when I wake up and I said there was nothing fixed per se he
said it’s the same for everyone across the globe, what time is it :)
John philosophy in life is Reducere ad simpliciorem Latin
for reduce to simplify which is also
my dad and brothers way of living life, I have been advised to follow it
multiple times but its tough when you have a phd in complicate to increase stress in your life! Since three weeks now circumstances and
the depleting money reserves have forced me to live simply and boy do I feel
free! I didn’t realize that with all the baggage physical and emotional that I
was lugging around the stress it was giving me was crushing. I don’t know if
and when I return to my material world I will be strong enough to continue
living like this or will I be gobbled up by the consumerists side of society
but for now I am loving it and living it and hence completely got what John was
trying to tell me.
The night was young and I had yet to visit a couple of my
favourite joints so I took my leave but not before asking John the mandatory
what brings you here question. He very casually told me this was the last trip
of his life and he was making the most of it. Why last I asked, well because I am dying of cancer! Not exactly the answer I was expecting
but since we had discussed so much about life etc I took a chance by asking him
something I have always pondered about. I told him I have always hoped that I
know exactly when I am going to die so that I could make the most of my last
days but wasn’t sure if once I actually knew if I would be able to handle the
truth. He said it made no difference. When I probed further he told me how he
explained what was happening to his 10 year old daughter we are all pushed in front of the bus at some point, in my case I can
see the bus!
I told John I was going to write about him in my blog and he
requested I make it philosophical. Well I don’t know what this is but I have as
always written from my heart. I have nothing but respect for you John, I am
waiting for your email so that we can keep in touch and I hope I have done
justice to the conversation we had. Enjoy the journey xoxo.
11pm The notion of family,
friends and the whole support system jargon:
When I returned to pick up my bags (remember the 47 kilos?)
from my apt I met the new volunteer who had replaced me, Muad a Dutch girl. I
have always felt you just need a moment to really connect with someone, and
that’s all it took with Maud. We
spent my last eve visiting all my favourite haunts in Phnom Penh and she joined
me along with all the other volunteers. Several times through the eve I looked
at her and mentally asked her ‘ who are you girl’? I felt we just understood
each other perfectly even though we hadn’t really spoken much. She called me
her soul mate while I joked that she was me in a much fitter body.
While we were all
dancing, I looked around at these strangers from places far
far away who had become my family in just a couple of weeks. Its ironical how
at this stage I am witnessing this irreparable crack between a relative and
don’t think I recognize or will ever feel the same away about this person but
at the same time felt such warmth love and affection with people who were
strangers in the recent past.
Bound by blood doesn’t necessarily result in bound by love I’ve deducted
and as long as you are surrounded by people who get you and dance to the same
tune as you, you are going to be alright. We do after all come alone and go
back solo as well. Invest in
people you connect to, expect nothing in return and live happily.
4am The Final Goodbye
Remember the soul mate? So I had met him twice again and
though I still felt the draw I was glad I had not gone back and reconnected
with him as expected. Nonetheless I hate loose ends and felt I needed to go say
goodbye. I was advised by well-wishers that it might not necessarily be the
smartest move as I had gauged he was rather temperamental in my last
interaction with him. I still dragged everyone with me and we went to his
rooftop bar. My most favourite place in Phnom Penh.
He was initially thrilled to see me and inquired about my
trip down south everything was fine till I told him I was leaving in three
hours and had just come to say goodbye and then the dam exploded. He went
bananas! I have grown up with three men with competing tempers so I am well
versed with the whole anger package but this was something else.
I was yelled at for vanishing and not keeping in touch,
yelled at for coming just hours
before leaving, yelled at for choosing to stay in a hotel as opposed to taking
up his offer and moving in with him. Huh ?!
I told him I had just come to say goodbye and could not
understand all this drama, but I guess not everyone is good with goodbyes. I
was stunned felt hurt and very upset. I never intended to take this equation
any further but I don’t like ending things badly and after a lovely eve this
was how my last hour in the country was playing out. He walked away in a huff,
I sat watching the skyline that I so loved for one last time. Waited for the
tears to come, they didn’t he was clearly not deserving of them took a deep breath got up and without
so much as looking at him walked out of the bar. Got back to my hotel picked up
my bags and with these bemused feelings left the country.
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