The thing about doors ...

The Penh Diary - Week 3

I like to think of myself as an extrovert who easily gets along with people, but truth be told I decide whether I like someone within the first five seconds of meeting them. And if I don’t like you, I will make it very evident, nothing you say or do will change my perception.

I don’t like people who get too familiar too soon, who try too hard, who I think are being pretentious and the list goes on. I have several such mental barricades, and the door is firmly shut on people who don’t ‘fit in’.In my third week in Phnom Penh I decided to open the door just a wee bit.

Exploring new routes:

I cycled around, walked into unfamiliar streets, found a place to buy flowers for my room (which makes me very very happy), discovered new things to do and places to go to. Bumped into people I had met earlier and just like that this unknown city has slowly started to become my own.

Making an effort to connect to people:

Honestly I tried initially and then kind of went back into my shell. But on Saturday night I went out with the girls. We bought each other drinks, warded off pesky boys, danced; they made sure my bag was safe (a big deal here) and got me back home safely.

I hesitantly agreed to dance with a stranger, who turned out to be an exceptionally good dancer. There is no high like dancing with someone who matches you beat for beat. What a feeling!

My flat has finally started feeling like home, and am growing rather fond of my flat mates and don’t want them to leave next week, will I make the effort with the new volunteers who come in? Well …

Talking to the man who gets over familiar in 3 ½ seconds:

So there was this old gentleman who was always hanging around one of the theatres. He got over familiar and spoke non- stop the first time I met him, so I obviously shut him out.  My interaction with him was giving him a curt nod to acknowledge his presence and that was it. This by the way was me being polite!

Last eve we were the only ones in the reception area, me sitting there cause it was my job, he out of habit. There was clearly no avoiding this one! So I decided to sit and hear him out (also because he was leaving the next day)

By the end of the hour-long monologue that followed I felt very small and self-centered. He was originally from Sweden but as he is suffering from a bad case of rheumatism he was forced to relocate to Thailand, as the cold didn’t help his case. He was visiting Phnom Penh for a holiday (taking one after 5 years). If me being young and outgoing was feeling lonely and out of place, imagine what a 75+ man must have been feeling. His way of dealing with the issue was getting too familiar too quickly, because then he felt like he belonged somewhere. By asking way to many personal questions and suffering a perennial case verbal diarrhea about his personal life he was ensuring that when he met you the next day he had enough to talk and enquire about. And he was going back from Phnom Penh elated, as everyone had complied. Everyone has endured this man, because they figured it was making him very happy. EVERYONE but me …

The thing about doors is that, a closed door might give you the illusion of being safe in your comfort zone and ensuring that things happen exactly the way you want them to, but it will also make you very lonely. An open door on the other hand, has made me very happy; though I only dared open it a wee bit.

The doors we open and close each day clearly dictate the lives we lead,  even big doors after all swing on little things.

And a revolving door? Well I am not going down that route!