They say time flies, well in the past month it sure flew by
on my good days, but on those dreadful instances that sometimes ended in an aha
moment it simply froze! Forcing me to fully immerse myself in my confusion and
melancholia.
A lot of people find it very difficult to spend time just by
themselves without a book,ipad, ipod, tv etc which I find strange because if
you cant bear your own company how do you expect others to suffer you? While
growing up my father often made us kids put everything aside and just be, he
called it doing ‘thought’. I usually drifted to neverland and
thought of nothing monumental, but this past month I have been in a perpetual
state of ‘thought’.
So do I have it all figured out? Have
I attained nirvana and seen the light? Am I going to return in a zen like
state? Hell NO! But some things have worked out for me, whereas others have
gotten me rather worked up!
Things that worked out:The move itself:
For once I did something instead of just talking about it
and moving out of my comfort zone, this has made me a lot stronger and better
equipped to deal with the big and (I now feel) not so bad world. It has also significantly broadened my horizon.
The simple life:
We have always been told
to live simply but no one explained why! I feel all our modern technology
adds to our stress much more than reducing it. Cycling to work, not facing much
traffic makes me happy. I have NEVER faced any honking here (I constantly fear
being jailed for killing someone back home for incessant honking). I cook! The
kitchen space has become less of a war zone and more of a comfort zone. I watch a lot of films and meet some
amazing people. I occasionally
fall into the trap of getting too comfortable but the auto correct has started
happening a lot faster. It makes me wonder why we eagerly jump into
self-destructive behaviour and then lament about its outcome! I have realized
in my case (guess it applies to all, but me no expert) We always know what we
need to do to be more content, but we chose to ignore those little voices.
Clinging on to people and things:
When I just moved here I had a lot of worries, will my maid
(who literally runs my life back home) still be there when I return? Will the
valuables in my apartment remain intact considering we have construction going
on in the building? I left all my heels outside should I have wrapped them up? Petty trivial matters. Thankfully I wasn’t worried about the people I left
behind who have been a HUGE support system even here.
I am now finally learning to take each day as it comes, am
not so bothered about things back home as I have no control over them. I am
starting to just be and that is
making me very content and happy. I used to initially cling on to the new
acquaintances I made only to lose them to another city or country in a couple
of days but now cherish the time I spend with people I meet here because
clichéd as it sounds, everybody does walk
into your life for a reason.
Things that have we
worked up: Sense of direction:
So I’ve learnt to ride on what is the wrong side of the road
in India, but can somebody please tell me which is the right side of the road
here? Cambodians happily turn around on a busy main road and confidently move
in the opposite direction. I usually have 20-30 people charging at me from both
sides so I really don’t know which is the right or wrong anymore! I also need
to learn to look first at the left then right while crossing the road, but I
guess I will be an old and wrinkled women by the time its becomes a habit. Okay
maybe not wrinkled just old! Every
time I happen to look in the wrong direction a vehicle (why do they all have
such huge cars here anyway!) nearly runs over me! Obviously they are driving on
the supposed right side just this time to mock clearly! It’s a conspiracy !
The language we speak:
I have had a convent education, pretty much spoken English
through my life, my folks didn’t think it was important for me to learn Punjabi
so I lost out on my mother tongue.
Hindi is the only other language which again I hardly use, I am
embarrassed to say that if I had to read a book in hindi it would take me ages
and I would need the dictionary as a constant companion. It didn’t bother me
till now, but I have been quite agitated about it off late.
We share a common computer at work and every time I sign in
the language has been changed to the one the previous volunteer was using. It’s
rarely English. They speak perfect English but are using social networking
sites in their mother tongue out of choice. While we are eager to do everything
in English they are proudly holding on to their culture their origins their heritage.
Every time the Indian government tried to enforce the local
language on a larger scale in the state I scoffed upon them and vehemently
opposed the move. Today I worry if the next generation will even speak hindi or
their mother tongue, or as in my case I would be mother who wouldn’t know her
mother tongue!
I worry if it’s too late to do anything about it? And if
somebody tries to do something I worry that they will not get the desired
support from all us Indians who have
been privileged enough to have some excellent higher education. So now what?
Call me a village bumpkin if you please!
I am alarmed at how acceptable infidelity is becoming in
India and the world over. I have had several heated discussions with people
back home and here as well. People scoff at me calling me old school and naïve
not wise to the ways of the world, call me what you wish but I will never
fathom the need or approve of the blatant openness of the way things stand today. We have
grown up in an era where everything is possible, but even everything has its boundaries. Don’t live by the rules and we are
all soon going to spiral head first into a society where there is no emotional
security, no family values and absolutely no bond with our respective partners.
And then there is Tom & Jerry
I have never been fond of animals; I avoid visiting houses
that are ruled by them. It’s a personal choice. But since I have voluntarily
gotten out of my comfort zone am being tested to the T! My boss recently
adopted a notorious kitten from the street, and the little one is over eager to
get friendly, enter my room and when the door is shut try to squeeze in from
the gap below. I become a prisoner in my room and we take turns scaring each
other when I dare venture out more because I need to than want to.
The cat and mouse approach is constantly being applied in
life as well off late, am either chasing a notion or being chased by the fear
of pennies running out and my inevitable return back home.
Another month to go in Phnom Penh before i begin a new adventure in a new country.
For now I am simply playing along and trying to have as much
fun as possible along the way.
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