The Penh Viet Diary Week 11

The Meltdown

My 11^th week has been the worst so far, all the blah about tough times don’t last tough people do well I have no comments about that. Cause I didn’t feel I would last this ordeal.

I landed in Hanoi feeling really sick and was to join my second working holiday the same night, the fact that I didn’t approve of joining work while sick didn’t matter, as I didn’t have a choice. 11:45 pm my huge suitcase and me arrived at the apartment. I was let in, shown my room, given a manual and that was that. I woke up running a high temperature and the only person who spoke English in that house was away for the day. Perfect simply perfect.

I tried reading the manual and it freaked me out, breakfast at 6:30 am, lunch at 11 and dinner at 5:30 pm, if you head out make sure you are back by 10:30 pm, this was just getting better and better. I managed to join the family for lunch and barely ate a morsel as I couldn’t understand what I was eating and nobody bothered explaining! We pretended to eat, I did all the pretending actually, went back to my room and passed out. The cutest little brat I have ever encountered Sam the youngest of the two kids I was supposed to tutor woke me up at 4:30 pm. He spoke hilarious English and the mood lifted. When the woman of the house arrived at dinner time I explained to her that I was not feeling too well, she promptly gave me some herbal tea and vitamins and suggested I sleep it off, which is exactly what I did for the next six days.

Being disconnected from my family and friends just made the whole ordeal so much more fun! I needed to get a Vietnam number but simply didn’t have the energy to step out. So I lay in my room feeling awfully homesick questioning every single move I had made so far. I was barely eating as I was anyways  never up for breakfast but still had to endure two meals. As the food didn’t agree with me I dreaded meal times when the conversation was supremely awkward as no one really made an effort to have a conversation in the first place!

Am not a quitter and sincerely wanted to live this through I had a week and a half more, I did my two hours of work and collapsed in bed, then the questions returned to haunt me. And here I thought I would be finding answers on this trip why were the questions mounting up?

I got use to the zoo treatment where family members would poke their head in to check on me, I would smile and tell them I was doing great and the ordeal continued. As I gained strength I stepped out of the house and the first thing I see is Balika Vadhu a popular Indian soap opera being watched by the locals, then head to an Indira Gandhi park for a walk. I felt I was being mocked at every step as people passed me by wearing Avika Gor’s tshirts. Considering I was so homesick these signs should have helped but they only made me feel worse. When I finally managed to get a number and connect with my family and friends I felt a little better, I didn’t tell them how miserable I was as I saw no point in it.

I felt I was in jail or at least under house arrest, jokingly told a friend who was ignoring my messages that I got arrested and that promptly got his attention all my messages were instantly answered followed by a series on calls. Note to self: need to work on reputation!

The week passed by and I survived with a mantra I often use to soothe my frazzled nerves ‘When I get older, I will be stronger. For now just let me be a little bit longer’

The Penh-Viet Diary Week 10

Journeys And Destinations...

Growing up my father often look us for budget trips that sometimes lasted a weekend at other times a month! I was envied by a lot of kids at school for going on such long vacations. I however hated most of them as I didn’t approve the budget part of the trip and hence loathed the travel part. Once I actually reached the destination I would start to enjoy myself but dreaded the journey back home especially if it involved sitting in a bus for what then seemed to be an eternity.

So much has changed; I have often enjoyed the travel far more than the destination it led to in the past couple of months. Like my bus ride from Phnom Penh to Ho Chin Minh city, since I had left Cambodia on a rather dramatic note I was a bit weary of entering another country in that sombre mood. I didn’t. Vietnam didn’t let me. Merely half hour after crossing the border, I received a welcome shower and the view from my window looked spectacular, mood lifted spirits started soaring high, like real high. An hour into the country and I was inspired enough to pick up all the things I had been yearning to do back home, as soon as I returned. The monumental change in my inspiration this time was that I knew I would actually see them through.

I now couldn’t wait to see what else this country had in store for me. Ho Chin Minh was my break before my next working holiday in Hanoi, I obviously intended to go all out. I landed up staying in all the time though! The viral came visiting and lets just say got rather comfortable in my system, I can be very hospitable like that you see! I did however drag myself to the war remnants museum, came back to my hotel and collapsed convinced that we are the worst race ever and that America is actually the step father who molests you while you sleep disguised as the big daddy!

After admiring the city from my hotel window for five days I managed to board my flight to Hanoi rather disappointed that I didn’t experience any more of the magic I was now quite accustomed to!  Exhausted and weak from the ride to the airport I tried to catch a nap, only to open my eyes with a start as a new thought hit me and charged me like a bolt of lightening. 30,000 feet above sea level I realised that a long cherished dream was actually so with in my reach right now. Like all life changing decisions it had more than its fair share of social, emotional and financial repercussions, did I dare reach out and grab it? I did. Have embraced the thought with an unbreakable resolution of seeing it through, will set the wheels rolling the minute I land in India.

I have so far had multiple eureka moments most of them while on the journey before reaching the intended destination, I guess because at the destination there is so much to look around at and engage yourself in? At times there is more to admire while on the road but this is the time I get to also look within. I for the first time have truly grasped the meaning of the quote ‘it is the journey that matters not the destination’

Being rather superstitious I don’t want talk about this vision fearing the magic will be lost, the circle will be broken and my dream could be crushed before I have the chance to see it come alive.

But I do know that this was what I was looking for without even knowing I was looking. I now realise that the purpose of this whole journey was for me to reach this decision, this was my intended destination!

I traveled this far to meet myself, got startled at what I saw, got amazed at my potential, was curious and vary about the source of my courage, surprised at my resilience, at times was awkward and embarassed to be this person, and the circus continued till I finally accepted myself.

Have been living happily ever after since! The smile doesn’t leave the face, the spring stays in the step as does the relentless song in the heart.